Chuck Does Fremont.

I decided to do this in segments so as to not cause overstimulation. FYI, taking pictures with Chuck is hard because he's usually drunk and he wobbles all around and can be a beligerant asshole. Some people just can't handle their liquor. Here we go...Las Vegas, Part One.

Since Chuck is a dirty, filthy freak, we decided to take him to where the dirty filthy freaks hang out. Fremont Street! This is the part of town where you can buy a fried Twinkie, a dildo, some crystal meth and a PBR tallboy on the same corner. Clearly Chuck felt at home here.

We started off in my dirty dirty car...

When we got onto the Fremont strip, Chuck saw a fattie fat goose and got instant wood. As Chuck always says, "birds of a feather fuck together." I don't think that's the saying, but I make it a point to not argue with alcoholics.

We saw this soundstage and Chuck made many jokes about "69! heh heh!". He is teeny tiny, can you even see him??

So we saw this sign outside Binion's that said TAKE YOUR PICTURE FOR FREE WITH ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Since these are wealths that losers like me and Chuck can only dream about, we were all over this! I told the lady it was my son's class project and she begrudgingly agreed to let Chuck get his thrills.

She couldn't seem to figure out the logistics of taking a picture of a damn rubber chicken and she just kept turning him to moon me.

"No...turn it like...the other way."

"oh, like this?"

"you did not move him."

"OH, like THIS?"

"..."

"OH LIKE THIS?"

"yeah, perfect, thanks."

Whatever, at least you guys get to see Chuck's perfect ass. A two-fer.

Chuck is very into puns. And they are ALWAYS intended, you dig?

Here's Chuck with Big Tex. I agree the lighting is shitty. Let's just move on, eh?

Chuck met this lovely (?) lady outside of MERMAIDS. She gave him a string of beads and a loveless tit job. Only cost him 2 bucks. (Yes, this picture really cost 2 dollars...apparently these bitches only pose for tips.) Mermaids had the most skankiest girls I've seen in quite some time. This one was Princess Diana compared to the other two who refused to even be on camera. Chuck was obviously in heaven. He likes his women like he likes his chicken feed...cheaper by the pound.

That's it for Fremont! There was even less to see there than I remembered. Tomorrow we'll chronicle Chuck's trip through the Las Vegas strip without ever getting outta the car. Get ready to be blown away by the overall shittiness of my photography skills.