Thursday, July 9, 2009

Chuck Does Fremont.

I decided to do this in segments so as to not cause overstimulation. FYI, taking pictures with Chuck is hard because he's usually drunk and he wobbles all around and can be a beligerant asshole. Some people just can't handle their liquor. Here we go...Las Vegas, Part One.

Since Chuck is a dirty, filthy freak, we decided to take him to where the dirty filthy freaks hang out. Fremont Street! This is the part of town where you can buy a fried Twinkie, a dildo, some crystal meth and a PBR tallboy on the same corner. Clearly Chuck felt at home here.

We started off in my dirty dirty car...

When we got onto the Fremont strip, Chuck saw a fattie fat goose and got instant wood. As Chuck always says, "birds of a feather fuck together." I don't think that's the saying, but I make it a point to not argue with alcoholics.

We saw this soundstage and Chuck made many jokes about "69! heh heh!". He is teeny tiny, can you even see him??

So we saw this sign outside Binion's that said TAKE YOUR PICTURE FOR FREE WITH ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Since these are wealths that losers like me and Chuck can only dream about, we were all over this! I told the lady it was my son's class project and she begrudgingly agreed to let Chuck get his thrills.
She couldn't seem to figure out the logistics of taking a picture of a damn rubber chicken and she just kept turning him to moon me.
"No...turn it like...the other way."
"oh, like this?"
"you did not move him."
"OH, like THIS?"
"yeah, perfect, thanks."
Whatever, at least you guys get to see Chuck's perfect ass. A two-fer.

Chuck is very into puns. And they are ALWAYS intended, you dig?

Here's Chuck with Big Tex. I agree the lighting is shitty. Let's just move on, eh?

Chuck met this lovely (?) lady outside of MERMAIDS. She gave him a string of beads and a loveless tit job. Only cost him 2 bucks. (Yes, this picture really cost 2 dollars...apparently these bitches only pose for tips.) Mermaids had the most skankiest girls I've seen in quite some time. This one was Princess Diana compared to the other two who refused to even be on camera. Chuck was obviously in heaven. He likes his women like he likes his chicken feed...cheaper by the pound.

That's it for Fremont! There was even less to see there than I remembered. Tomorrow we'll chronicle Chuck's trip through the Las Vegas strip without ever getting outta the car. Get ready to be blown away by the overall shittiness of my photography skills.


  1. LOL I love that his name is Chuck. :) Chuck the Cluck.

    That's got to be the cutest pecker I've ever seen. Love that chicken. We sent a rubber chicken to some soldiers in Iraq once but it melted in the heat. He was their mascot until he melted.

  2. Dang, I hope that doesn't happen to Chuck. I would be devastated!

  3. oh shit yeah make sure you take chuck outta the car in that hot vegas heat! lol

    Chuck looks like hes havin fun! I hope that I can show him a good time when he visits me again! :)

  4. dont melt chuck!

    he looks like he enjoyed himself, and i love that hes mooning you over the money. classy.

  5. sounds like a classy trip.
    love how shes holding the dollars and chuck...

    awesome pictures...

    I am pretty sure Chuck would have an *AWESOME* time in, say, London...

  6. chuck needs to visit da burgh. yes, i just said "da burgh" because that's what yinzers say, and to really make my case for a chicken to visit - i need to act like a yinzer. gives the full effect.

  7. What, no pictures of Chuck doing/getting a lap dance?

  8. loveless tit job LMAO!!! this is great, i cant wait to see Chuck taking his pun-loving rubber ass all over the place!

  9. Okay, why do you have floor mats on your dash? WTF?

    And with that being said.


  10. Dude, those aren't FLOOR mats...its like...a dashboard cover. You need that shit out here because the EXXXTREME HEAT will fuck a dash in no time.

  11. Makes me glad I live in the artic, fuck that mess.

  12. I FREAKIN LOVE stuff like this!!!
    Fun, fun, fun!!!

    So this is the dirty butt who phooned, eh?
    I feel so honoured :)

  13. The money picture is the best!

  14. awesome! chuck is the fuckin man!

  15. Ahhh Chuckiechuckiechuckie. You've just brought back many memories of my younger days that I now realize I should never have survived. Some things never change.